Like an Anchor

We had our moments, 
In the dimmer corners of rooms
I whispered heavy words into your neck
I thought I meant them
I drew designs along the small of your back
And traced your heart to sleep
And I curled into your gentle arms
Let you think you knew the sadder parts of me
But the worst thing I did,
I let you follow my hollow head,
I made blankets in the wet grass
And stained the knees of my jeans
I put my jacket on your cold skin
And I kissed you enough to let you believe
But I swallowed my pride, and I wear it like an anchor
Since I’ve pulled it up to the boat fence
It seems the ocean floor has grown towards me
And you wore me like that jacket, 
And put my words warm on your shoulders
And I pulled the ground beneath you, 
And now you’ve become cold and callous
I guess when you were wishing on the stars
I was desperate to find way
So I used you like a compass
But I’m home now, safe

“So it is just like you said it would be, life goes easy on me, most of the time”

Just me and the film from the road
Car lights painting in the dark 
Wrapping myself cold in the sky
In the gaps of silence 
When the bright is so loud
I can remember the way your voice
Tickled the back of my spine
And how I worshiped the very words
That left your mouth
I’m forgiven, for the gaps I do not fill
But never for the ones I make
And I’m wondering to myself
On nights like this
When the highway feels as broken
As the things I used to think
If I’m the one calling the shots
On the guilt that holds me hostage
Or if I’m just turning into a monster
And I’ve forgotten what its like
To never feel like this

Reflecting

I called you dear, and fell around the tiles of your home

Calling out names and joking to reveal the truth
I was as rooted in your blankets as the sun holds in the blue
I had all the world inside my eyelids
It reflected onto you
But it was me all along, me me me
Folding up all of my secrets in pages with no bookmarks
Wishing you’d turn back the time
To relive the wonders of my clockwork
You got lost inside the walls of all the gears and springs
That made the very ground you spun on 
Be afraid; I thought often like a mouse
And I peered into the corners of your heart
I didn’t know that I was bigger
I had no concept in the thought that rooms could be worlds
That one step could be a jog or a trip or a fall 
And I made you out of paper 
Out of lenins and clothes
And songs and trees
I breathed in your words, 
But it was me, me me me
All along 
You called me names, some my mind slips dry
You hid in all the spaces in between my words
And I think I had the world inside my heart and my eyes
And I was reflecting on you

Playing Focus

You take the parts of all your madness
And press them onto tiny pages
To leave in windshield corners
By the front doors of old flames
I am not your answer
To all the questions you keep prying
From the old place that left you lonesome
The night I broke your heart
And I’ve crumbled too many letters
Traced my eyes on too many words
Watched the petals flake from age
And disappear
And if I play focus with the street lights
Laying on dying grass
Just to hear you tell me stories
How you wish you had the past
I might fall in love with loving
The way you’ve fallen in love with me
And I could pretend long enough
That you have reason to believe
But you’re as foolish as you were when we were struck by all the wisdom
We thought we had our precious minds, that no one else could touch them
But here I am feeling ancient, in the burning of callous light
Hearing you tell me the same things
I used to wish them all the time
And my tongue is dry with the same words
And my heart dull with the same beat
And I’m focusing on the streetlight
Blurring in between

To Be Warm

Feeling crass
I’m painting little designs on butterflies all around the room
Maybe to watch them fly around my eyes
Or hope I’ve ruined their petty wings
Enough to fall apart
I take the lightest parts of my dark
And make do
And hope that some one may dig further
Into the corners of the room
I’m just a home body
And i’m wanting you to knit me something new
Something I can cover my toes with
It’s getting colder,
You’re feeling used
And for all I know you may be
I won’t know until I’m warm enough
To think

If It Was Up To Me

If it was up to me
I’d be your hero
I’d never let the bees sting you
Or let your heart get carried away
I’d teach you how to love spring
And the colors of the trees
I’d teach you how to embrace change
If it was up to me
I’d cast the warm winds to scare away your goosebumps
And hold your words like charms
And hang them around my convictions
Like trophies
If it was up to me
I’d call the sunset with the snap of my thumb
Every time a cloud decides to hang
Heavy in your head
If it was up to me
You’d wake up feeling perfect
And I’d tuck under your chin
If if if

Touch the Silence

You are an angel, delicate, white
And fragile with your motives
I put my words into this world
With the lightest parts of my darkness
Hoping I might bring warmth
To the dullest of rooms
And that someone might notice
My tongue speaks loose when I am happy
And strict when I’m upset
And my words hide in the caverns
Of my regret
Where I pretend

I notice the way your hair dances on your cheek
And that you write stories with your eyes
On the carpet where we dance loosely with our words
And I watch the cieling shapes
And I make up the things I want to see

And I wish on the distant things, people never wish to know
Or think that they could ever billow in love
And care less about important things
But I think about the reflections that paint the back of my eyes
When I sink into my pillow
And grow warm into my bed

And right now I might be the imprint on your palm,
From resting on the driveway after long talks
I might just be the hair moving sharp along your spine
Or a soft whisper on your neck

I may just be a tangle in your hair
And we may not be able to touch what is in the silence
We may be motionless but moving
Like the moon across the sky

But there are stories in the back of my eye lids
That I can’t hide
And even the lighest parts of my darkness
Will still seem not all too bright